Dearest communistbeans,

In response to the tons of annoying Apple product related spam recently cluttering your dashboard, we have teamed up with Apple’s development team to ACTUALLY GIVE AWAY APPLE PRODUCTS! Under the condition that you agree to “test” the product, by allowing basic debug data to be automatically sent to Apple’s dev and diagnostics teams.

So, in a nutshell..
CLICK HERE TO RECEIVE YOUR FREE IPHONE!

Just be sure to fill out your email address and all accurate info, use confirmation link, and then use the PROMO CODE: TUMBLRCARES

Because we do care, just not about spammers.

Note: only the first 1,000 users may take part in this promotion, which is on a first come first serve basis.

Oh, and don’t be greedy. “Publish” and reblog away! Share the loot!</

And maybe a magical fairy princess will conjure up a psychic cyborg bass-player girlfriend for me and I’ll play the Green ranger in Saban’s Gokaiger adaption and have I made my point yet.